Wandering

As the winds of travel are upon me; I recall on my journey so far.

Introverted Sage

6 min readNov 3, 2023

Great day!

I hope this post finds you well.

If not, stop what you are doing and smile! You may feel strange, but try it!

I have recently come to fully embrace the fact that I Am a forever wanderer.

Movement is in my Blood.

Something in me craves frequent change.

Getting even to this level of self acceptance has been the longest process it seems. . Learning to accept me for ALL of me.

I’m not even sure if I Am fully there yet as I discover and re-discover parts of myself daily that I had no idea were there.

People who live in society have learnt how to see themselves, in mirrors, as they appear to their friends. I have no friends: is that why my flesh is so naked?
~ Jean-Paul Sartre

The forever wanderer.

As much life as I have lived, I hold the understanding that nothing is coincidence. Nothing. Everything happens for a reason whether we see, know or understand that reason at that moment or ever. There is always some wheel in the cog of motion ensuring perpetual movement.
Slowing down and paying attention to the subtleties of this life are key.

For all of my life that I can remember, I have had this feeling in me of not belonging.
Something about me was different. We are all different, yes. But me, I was like different different.
I’ve explained some in my other articles, as I continue more will come.
What I do know; learning to embrace our own and other’s differences encourages freedom.

Try as I might, fitting in never really came to fruition in my life or suited me, for that matter. I have hung out with the popular kids in school and the nerds.
I have befriended CEOs to the unhoused.
Though I never expected to fully relate to someone or something — finding basic commonalities for me was always difficult. I have never seemed to want the same things those around me did. Interests, habits, anything to relate — never did. Finding a place where I felt comfortable enough to be my full self has been a never-ending mission.

Could it have been my moving nature? Extreme introversion? Social anxiety? Childhood trauma? Past life experiences? Maybe I’m just fucking weird.

Probably a bit of all of the above.

Having never really been able to put my finger on it, I have never felt I truly belonged particularly anywhere.

▪️ In search of.. a place that feels like home…
That doesn’t seem to be on this planet. ▪️

I often reflect on old writing of mine to understand my mindset in various situations. Looking back helps me see what I was thinking about and working on at different points in my life and often with a much clearer lens.
These reflections also seem to prove so relevant to whatever situation is happening in my present life. It’s almost as if I Am Guided to look at certain writings of mine at a particular time for insight and deeper knowledge into a situation that hasn’t happened yet or one I am currently going through.

In many of my reviews, I notice myself trying so hard to assimilate and it always being to my detriment.
To try and fit in, relate and be alike as to not stand out, ruffle feathers, cause a scene or attract any extra attention to myself.

But why or how could I or would me being me be a problem? If I Am simply being me? Not causing harm or issue to anyone or anything. Simply existing. As Me. All of Me. But doing just that has been such a struggle for me!

In reflection, I see how many times my limited mindset has held me back. I see how many times I have tried to find comfort and that ‘home’ feeling in another just to come up short. Every. Single. Time.

..Only to realize… the place that provides me the ultimate comfort….
to fully be myself….. comes from within.

What does it take to be accepted?

That can be such a loaded question. What does it take though?
Really?

There is so much ‘criteria’ to just be accepted in society today isn’t there?
Can’t be too this or too that.
Can’t have, be or wear too much or too little of whatever.
Yet people are virtually killing themselves just to be a part of.
It is really such a daunting and poorly rewarded undertaking.
When will we understand and realize that even the most accepted people have people that don’t accept them.

Also, ‘We can’t please everyone’, right?

Taken out of context, that quote can be used to imbue a rudeness, arrogance and inconsideration when it should be more of a simple understanding.
Everything is not for everyone. That is one of many blessings afforded us this life.
We are all here to be different, to be our individual, unique selves. To contribute to the whole of society but in our own personal way. With the gifts we were blessed with in this life, to share with others in an attempt to make the world we live in a better place.

Finding happiness and comfort in self is where to find your gifts. That starts with self acceptance.

Today’s poem reflects on my journey so far. I have been through so much and had some incredibly difficult times. Despite that and looking back it has been an adventure.
A never ending journey.
An adventure in finding myself.
A journey back to myself.